Every Name Has a Story

A few nights ago I was having a conversation with a dear friend, and somehow part of my testimony came into the conversation. I felt compelled to share my story, in the past few weeks I have had a few people tell me I need to share my story. I hope my story helps someone, as other's have helped me. 

I was born and raised in the mountains of South Carolina. I was raised in Church on and off my entire life. My life was a roller coaster. At one point I thought I was saved and thought I was living the right life. Then I drifted from Christ and church. I wasn’t living the life I should have been living. I lived in sin. I now know that I never knew Christ the way I do today. I know that he has always been beside me, but I never had a relationship with him till January 2011. 

A friend of mine had posted on her facebook a link to Newspring Church right after Christmas of 2010. So, I clicked on it and if my memory is right it was the first Sunday of 2011. I was hooked; I wanted to know more about this Church and Christ. The next Sunday they started a new series called Make War. The first week’s sermon was titled Choosing sides. (By the way you can find all this at Newspring.cc)

“And the Philistines stood on the mountain on the one side, and Israel stood on the mountain on the other side, with a valley between them.”—1 Samuel 17:3

Two mountains. Two camps. Two sides. There’s no middle ground; the battle is going to happen in the valley in between. Are you going to run and hide? Or stay and fight? Newspring.cc

Pastor Perry preached about life and death; you are either with Christ or against him. Either you’re alive or you’re dead. That sermon spoke to me in so many ways. I had been running from Christ, putting him off for years and using the excuse that I couldn't find a church to call home. I had been telling myself that I didn't need a Church to be a Christian. Man, oh man, was I wrong. We cannot do life alone.  January 9, 2011. I accepted Christ into my heart and I knew he was there with me. I was determined to change my life from there on out. We started watching every Sunday online. But my heart still felt empty. Like I was missing something, I had an empty place in my heart. I wouldn’t fill that hole until 2012 when we joined Newspring. But I still had some very rough months ahead of me.

In the spring Jayson was to get out of the Marines. He had done his 8 years and it was time for us to move on. I feared that he wouldn’t be able to find a job. All the jobs that we told would be there when he got out in Beaufort fell through. From April till June Jayson applied to many different jobs. The only job that seemed like it could have potential was in Sumter, SC. I prayed and prayed for Jayson to find a job locally. Nothing happened, so I prayed for God to break my heart to show me his will and what he wanted in our lives. That if we needed to move to get a job, we would. The week before Father’s day, Jayson got the job in Sumter.

I went through so many emotions; gratitude, devastation, sadness, anger. You name it I felt it. I had to quit my job that I had worked so hard to finally get. We had to move out of our home, and I wouldn’t be able to see my god daughter on a daily basis anymore.  My dreams crashed and burned.

So, as I stood in my empty living room the first week of July. I cried and cried. Our lives were changing. The life we knew was no longer. I tried to remain calm and cling to my faith that month. I knew that God had something planned for us. Even though I did not like any of the change that was happening; Jayson had a job and we were healthy. Can you tell I didn’t like change?

Change had to happen. At this point, we still did not have anyone to rent our home. I didn’t have a job, so we were forced to put the house up for a short sale. And I prayed to God that it would sell and wouldn’t go into foreclosure.  It still is currently for sell.

So months went by and I still didn’t have a new job. So I was forced to stay home with Jacob. And I know that most people think that is a blessing, but at that time I didn’t. I felt as if I had failed. All that I had done was for nothing. Being a stay at home mom was never in my plans. However, it was in God’s plans.

 I started attending Newspring in October of 2011. Jayson was on nights and wasn’t able to attend with me at that time. I finally felt like I had a church to call home. I had been attending for about a month and then I felt the Lord calling me to be baptized, that I needed to take that next step, to have faith, and go public. It wasn’t the first time I felt this, but I knew I needed to do it now.

So, the Sunday before Thanksgiving I was baptized. I also felt God telling me I needed to tithe. To stop ignoring it and stop tithing when I felt it was convenient for me. I needed to start putting him first in every way in our lives. I had surrendered every other way in my life but tithing. I was scared and worried we wouldn’t make it if I tied. Within one month of us tithing Jayson was given overtime. Jayson’s pay is based on salary. So, most people don’t get overtime when they reach eighty hours. But his work allowed this.  Looking back now it was same exact amount I was making when I worked, after I paid daycare for Jacob. That is the only place in the bible the Lord says we can test him.

¹⁰ Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it. Malachi 3:10 (NIV)

Time and time again the Lord continues to provide for our family. Since we started tithing, Jayson has received two raises. My school has been paid for and we found a home to rent after the current one has been sold.

In December I picked Jacob up from Kidspring and I met someone that Jacob had taken to. He had a buddy, named Brad. Jacob is a very loving child and will go to anyone. But He took to Brad and Brad became close to Jacob. I still was searching for a small group. He said that he would get his wife to call me and they would find a group for us. Over the next few weeks I feel back into a routine of just attending Church on Sunday. Nothing changed; I didn’t allow anything to change. I was stuck again.

Then one Sunday in February, I bumped into Brad’s wife, Aimee and their two little boys. I introduced myself and Jacob. Then after the service I had sat down with her to talk. She told me how much a difference Jacob made in Brad’s life. That Jacob had such a special heart. I was blown away with that; that my little boy could make such a difference in someone’s life. I was in awe of how God uses children to heal people. So Aimee took down my number and invited us their small group.

Jayson still hadn’t attended church with me more than a few times, partially because of work and I’m still not sure the reason why for the other times. So, I took him to their small group one night in March but told him it was a dinner at the Knights house. Wasn’t completely honest with him, oops! Sorry Jayson. From that moment on we had a small group. I have never felt more welcome by a group of Christians and loved by them.

That next month brought more change into my life. I had been battling depression for many months and was in denial about it. I broke down. I was damaged. I was hurt and I didn’t know how to fix it. No one really knew about everything I was battling. Not until I broke down with Jayson did he know. But two incredible women at church made me feel that being damaged is okay. They taught me that we cannot do things alone and in Christ there is no Condemnation. They prayed with me and for the first time ever I felt like I could overcome this. I left everything at the cross.  

Jayson started attending church with me more and more. By the end of April we were owners and Jayson was baptized.  We have a church to call home finally!!

For 7 years I had been praying that Jayson would come to Christ and all along he had given his heart to Christ in boot camp. He just never continued with finding a church and pursuing him afterwards. Something I didn’t know until we joined Newspring. After that Jayson was baptized in April and we both became active in the church. I continue to see God change Jayson and I.

One of the core values of Newspring is that Growing people change. For someone that doesn’t like Change. I welcome this change. Because I know there is a greater plan for my life. God has plans for Jayson and I. I don’t know what they are. But even though I don’t always like the change that has happened in the past year, I know it was necessary. Because Jayson and I wouldn’t be where we are today without that change. I know that through all the health problems Jayson and I both struggle with, our marriage, our lives. God is there, everything has to go through his hands.

I am overwhelmed by the amount of Joy I have in my life now. I know that there will be hard days. I still struggle with my depression. But I pick up my cross daily. Because I know Jesus is with me. Nothing will take me down when he is beside me. And the days when my burdens are too much, he will carry them for me. 

Blue Ridge, GA

July started with us in the Mountains. I grew up in the moutains and I loved it as a child. But I have to say the beach is where my heart is now. But we enjoyed so much getting to spend time with Jayson's family. They rented a cabin up in the heart of the blue ridge mountians, in Georgia about an hour north of Clayton Georiga. May or may not had a small heart attack getting there lol. Here are some pictures from the trip!

But Before we headed to the moutains little man had to have "a wide" on the golf cart at Papa & Grandma's house. lol

The view from the front porch of the cabin

The second day in the mountains we were able to drive up to Amicalola Falls State Park where you can see three states at once, Georgia, Tennessee and North Carolina. We had a nice lunch and then we went walking to see the highest waterfall in Georgia. However, little man wasn't having us walking to the bottom of it. So I only got pictures of the top.

Jacob, Tyler & Conner!

The view of three states

The top of the waterfull it was 465 steps to the bottom

Jay &  Me. The man refuses to smile in pictures

The day before we left we went downtown Blue ridge to play putt putt and gem mine. Well, the putt putt didn't work out. But he did get to find some really cool gems. We went walking around downtown and they had the train parked near by. Jacob loves trains, maybe next year we will take him on it. 

Gem Mining with the grandparents!

My little water duck!

 The boy loves to swim. He swam for over 4 hours. and kept jumping off the diving board. My little daredevil. Lord help me! But that was our week vacation in the mountains/The Big Toe House! For the ones that don't know our house is called The Little Toe house ( because no one ever pernounces our last name right lol)

The Crazy Month Of June

 

I’m sorry that I haven’t blogged in a long time. The month of June was a pretty crazy month. As most of our family knows Jayson works two months on nights and two months on days and so forth. We got news that he would have to go to Virginia for two weeks initially. Well, those 2 weeks turned into almost the entire month of June. I hated it, but it the past year I have learned that through the uncomfortable moments we go through something better comes out of it. Maybe not always at first, but in the end its better than what I ever would have thought.

At first I was bitter, how could this happen? Jayson only gets two months on days and one of those months was taken from us. I cried, I prayed and prayed some more for peace with this decision. In beginning I did not like the decision of it being more than 2 weeks. But I had no choice but to go with it and in the end it worked out.  Jayson was given an extra month of days and the time away gave us money to spend with family. So I try to remind myself that God has something better for us always. We just have to keep our faith in him, that in those moments that we are uncomfortable He is working on something greater for us.

I don’t think my car has ever had so many miles on it. But I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I was blessed to be home for a week with my sisters. I watched my baby sister walk across the stage and receive her high school diploma. Something I didn’t get to see my middle sister do. However, at the same time I was home to help with my beautiful niece, Macie. She makes number four! Jacob was able to spend time with his cousins and I was able to be there for both of my sisters. With the good always comes the bad though, my Papa had another heart attack this month as well.  He’s still recovering from it and is home. But still having problems from the heart cath. Please continue to pray for my Papa.

The following week I was so fortunate to spend time with my adopted sister and my beautiful God daughter. We got to do some shopping and cooking together. And of course some beach therapyJ.  The beach always heals my worries. I swear putting your feet in the sand and the sun on your face is a great medicine.

Then Jayson was able to fly home for Father’s day. We had a nice quiet weekend with Jay & my baby sister. It’s such a blessing when Jayson has off on Sundays and is able to be with us at church. Something that I use to take for granted; don’t get me wrong I am very thankful he has a job. For now we make this work.  It makes my heart so happy to see both of us active in church. Something I have yearned for and prayed for, for many years. I am so grateful that we have been fortunate and blessed to be a part of Newspring. I love our church!!

Miss Zoe came and stayed with us for a few days here in manning; she was such a blessing. Then we went back to Beaufort for a few more days. Again, I wasn’t kidding when I said I put some miles on this car. But the time I get with her is so precious now.  I miss so much seeing her everyday, and living the next street over. I am so grateful that her parents allow us to be a part of her life and watch such an amazing little girl grow up. I am so proud to call her my god daughter.  

Then we had a week back here in manning and headed upstate for Jacob’s 2^nd birthday. Oh my, where has the time gone? The heat forced us indoors that weekend but by the grace of God. I was able to get an indoor bounce house for his birthday on a 48hr notice. Which we all can say turned out great for the little ones. I still cannot believe it was 114 in the upstate that day. I cannot thank everyone enough for making his day so special. It meant the world to us for him to have all of our family there. 

So through all the bumps, and the disappointments of June, we were blessed with time with family and friends.  I thank the Lord everyday for all that he does for us. Even when I think something isn’t going to work out it does for the best. I attached some pictures from June. 

My Beautiful Sis, Courtney

Little Man on the beach

Happy Birthday Jacob! 

Casey, Me, Brit & Courtney

Singing happy birthday! He couldn't wait for the cupcakes

Miss Macie & Casey

Marine Wives

Recently someone asked me if I could give any advice on what I learned as a Marine wife. I felt honored but it took me a while to figure out the best advice I could give. Above all, communication, talk to each, talk and talk some more! You make the best out of little time. No matter what you have to be your husband’s number one supporter, sometimes you have to have an enormous amount of patience’s, and sometimes it just sucks!

Sometime last year I was doing something as simple as cutting the grass and someone approached me  with the comment of “you do it all, don’t you?” I replied “yes ma’am; I can do just about anything.” In that moment I realized how strong and adaptable you have to be, to be a military wife. You live and you learn how to adapt on your own.  This came from years of trial and error during our time in the Marines.  

Jayson was only in the Marines for eight years, I don’t have as much experience as some. Which, I have so much respect for the career wives and their husbands.  

I have seen dear friends go through deployments every other year, the very long hours of a drill instructors life, their husbands coming back a different man and the ones that never got to say goodbye.  You live your life with the uncertainty that everything and anything can change at any moment.

At the same time most wives will tell you they wouldn’t have it any other way. We met some amazing friends through our eight years.  Some of the best times were with our military friends, which some we call family now.  I have an adopted big sister and a beautiful god daughter thanks to the Marine Corps. I was blessed to meet some of the strongest women I have ever met, that I can call my friends.

I have been told more than once by other women that they could never be a military wife. If you would have told me ten years ago that I would be where I am, I would have called you a liar.  It’s amazing where you find strength, as a military wife.  So here is my story.

August 17, 2005 we got a phone call at 11:30pm for Jayson to be ready to leave the next day. I knew what that phone call was about before Jayson ever hung up. It was two weeks ahead of schedule, and two weeks before our first wedding anniversary. I remember that day like it was yesterday.  Nothing went right that day, I remember Jay leaving for work at 6:00 am only to return at 7:30 to grab his gear. That would be the last day he’d stand in our home for eight months.  Trying to run around and get all his gear, at one moment he had me standing in his c-bag in the middle of our living room so he could get more gear in it. We both just laughed, and cried. He left, and I ran around trying to get things he needed.  Time went by so fast that day and before I knew it I got to call to come to base at four o’clock to say our goodbyes. I went and got him subway and I remember picking him up and driving to other side of base. We didn’t even know what to say to each other. I just held his hand and I was fortunate to get a hug and kiss. I watched him get out of the car and walk to the hanger; he was gone just like that.  

The next day really tested what I was made of, my car broke down, my cell phone quit and the ATM took my card. Luckily, there was a salon nearby to let me call someone that knew Jayson to come look at my car.  I got in touch with people on base to bring me Jayson’s cell phone and power of attorney. Everything that could have went wrong the first week he was gone, went wrong. But I had school starting next week and a job I had to maintain. So I pulled myself together and went with it.

In those eight months I became a very independent person. I also met some incredible women that I love dearly. They were my rocks when I thought I couldn’t do it. Looking back now it just prepared me for an even tougher battle. When Jayson got back…

Now I know every military couple struggle when their spouse returns from a deployment and every family has an adjustment period. I know that it never gets easy telling them goodbye with each deployment and each time they return.

 We were very fortuned to only experience one. I am very thankful and blessed that Jayson came back in one piece, at least physically. I had him home with me, and that is something I have never taken for granted. But I did take for granted him being my husband.  We both were different people, we had changed. The couple we were, we all of a sudden weren’t, and we had to start over.  Almost like meeting each other for the first time.

For the next 4 years it was a battle, between the Marine Corps, his health problems and finding us again. Through all the tears and struggles we came out on top and in 2010 I gave birth to our little boy. Every struggle was just a stepping stone for something better. We both became stronger people because of all of the ups and downs we went through with the military. It has almost been a year since he got out of the Marines. So now looking back at those eight years, I see the good more than I see the struggles.  I remember the men and women they changed our lives forever. They will always be our Military family no matter how far they live from us now.

“When you pass through waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.  Isaiah 43:2”

Gratitude

Lately I've been thinking a lot about Gratitude, and how much I am thankful for everything in our lives lately. How determined I am not to let bitterness take root in my heart and steal my joy. Even though the past year has been one of the hardest years of our lives. I still praise God through it all, because Jayson & I have become closer to God & each other. At the end of the day that's all that really matters. I had a great friend (thank you) point that out to me. That even though I feel like nothing is going right in our lives but that. Well, in the end that is the only thing that matters. 

I know that there will always be sadness in the world and bad things will happen to good people. So I don't really read much of the news, but this one article really struck me as such a powerful message. It was an article about a little girl with SMA (Spinal Muscular Atrophy).They made a bucket list for this little girl. Even despite everything these people still saw the good in life. Instead of dealing with her disease in hopeless way, they turned it around into something positive. That made me think, what if we all did that. Instead of letting the hopeless situations pull us down and tear us apart. Turn it around and see the good in it, even though it's an unchangeable situation, that doesn't matter to an unchangeable God. He will always win. Don't get me wrong I struggle everyday with this. But one thing I have learned in the past year more than ever. When a door closes a window will open.  

When Jayson got out of the Marines last summer, I was devastated when we had to move. The life that we had built in the 4 and 1/2 years we had been there was going to be gone in a month. I had to quit my job, leave our home, leave our friends and leave our god-daughter and her family. Everything that I held dear was going to change. All my dreams crashed and burned. I was angry with God. Don't get me wrong, I was still grateful that I had a loving husband and a very happy, healthy little boy. But I am still trying to let those ashes go and give them to God. Because I know that He is going to do something beautiful with them.  

Isaiah 61:3 "To bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy, instead of mourning and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair."

It has taken me almost a year to see the good in moving... But I am starting to see the light at the end of this tunnel and finding peace through all this pain. 

I have been blessed to be home with Jacob on a daily basis. I have been blessed to see our amazing little boy grow and change every day. I still have been able to get to see my beautiful god-daughter and her family once a month. We now have a church to call home and we have met some incredible people. Jayson has a good job. We have a roof over our head and two cars. I have a lot to be thankful for. So I will continue to praise God through this valley, because I know this is only a season in our life. There is more to come. 

Thank you for taking the time to read this post. Sorry it was a long one. 

Always,

Ash

For our Loved ones

So, I've been trying to come up with the best way to keep everyone up to date with our crazy life. This is the best way I know how. Since I feel in my heart that the Lord has called me to stay home with Jacob right now. I have the time to start a blog. Forgive me if my grammar is not up to par. English definitely was not my best subject in school.

This past Sunday Jayson got baptized; such an amazing experience. I am so grateful for the many things that God continues to do in our lives. We finally have a church to call home! As of this month we are apart of NewSpring, in Florence. I love our Church!

Jacob is such a blessing to us. He keeps us busy and laughing all the time. He is such a loving and sweet little boy. He loves to kiss and hug you. Lately, we seem to live outside. That little boy would stay outside and in the water all day if I would let him. We recently introduced Popsicles to him and he definitely loves them. He gets his sweet tooth from my Papa and me.

I will try to update as often as I can. God Bless!

Always,
Ash.