A few nights ago I was
having a conversation with a dear friend, and somehow part of my testimony came
into the conversation. I felt compelled to share my story, in the past few
weeks I have had a few people tell me I need to share my story. I hope my story
helps someone, as other's have helped me.
I was born and raised in the mountains of South Carolina. I was
raised in Church on and off my entire life. My life was a roller coaster. At
one point I thought I was saved and thought I was living the right life. Then I
drifted from Christ and church. I wasn’t living the life I should have been
living. I lived in sin. I now know that I never knew Christ the
way I do today. I know that he has always been beside me, but I never had a
relationship with him till January 2011.
A friend of mine had posted on her facebook a link to Newspring
Church right after Christmas of 2010. So, I clicked on it and if my memory is
right it was the first Sunday of 2011. I was hooked; I wanted to know more
about this Church and Christ. The next Sunday they started a new series called
Make War. The first week’s sermon was titled Choosing sides. (By the way
you can find all this at Newspring.cc)
“And
the Philistines stood on the mountain on the one side, and Israel stood on the
mountain on the other side, with a valley between them.”—1 Samuel 17:3
Two
mountains. Two camps. Two sides. There’s no middle ground; the battle is going
to happen in the valley in between. Are you going to run and hide? Or stay and
fight? Newspring.cc
Pastor Perry preached about life and death; you are either
with Christ or against him. Either you’re alive or you’re dead. That sermon
spoke to me in so many ways. I had been running from Christ, putting him off
for years and using the excuse that I couldn't find a church to call home. I
had been telling myself that I didn't need a Church to be a Christian. Man, oh
man, was I wrong. We cannot do life alone. January 9, 2011. I accepted
Christ into my heart and I knew he was there with me. I was determined to
change my life from there on out. We started watching every Sunday online. But
my heart still felt empty. Like I was missing something, I had an empty place
in my heart. I wouldn’t fill that hole until 2012 when we joined Newspring. But
I still had some very rough months ahead of me.
In the spring Jayson was to get out of the Marines. He had
done his 8 years and it was time for us to move on. I feared that he wouldn’t
be able to find a job. All the jobs that we told would be there when he got out
in Beaufort fell through. From April till June Jayson applied to many different
jobs. The only job that seemed like it could have potential was in Sumter, SC. I
prayed and prayed for Jayson to find a job locally. Nothing happened, so I prayed
for God to break my heart to show me his will and what he wanted in our lives.
That if we needed to move to get a job, we would. The week before Father’s day,
Jayson got the job in Sumter.
I went through so many emotions; gratitude, devastation, sadness,
anger. You name it I felt it. I had to quit my job that I had worked so hard to
finally get. We had to move out of our home, and I wouldn’t be able to see my
god daughter on a daily basis anymore. My
dreams crashed and burned.
So, as I stood in my empty living room the first week of
July. I cried and cried. Our lives were changing. The life we knew was no
longer. I tried to remain calm and cling to my faith that month. I knew that
God had something planned for us. Even though I did not like any of the change
that was happening; Jayson had a job and we were healthy. Can you tell I didn’t
like change?
Change had to happen. At this point, we still did not have
anyone to rent our home. I didn’t have a job, so we were forced to put the
house up for a short sale. And I prayed to God that it would sell and wouldn’t
go into foreclosure. It still is
currently for sell.
So months went by and I still didn’t have a new job. So I was
forced to stay home with Jacob. And I know that most people think that is a
blessing, but at that time I didn’t. I felt as if I had failed. All that I had
done was for nothing. Being a stay at home mom was never in my plans. However,
it was in God’s plans.
I started attending
Newspring in October of 2011. Jayson was on nights and wasn’t able to attend
with me at that time. I finally felt like I had a church to call home. I had
been attending for about a month and then I felt the Lord calling me to be
baptized, that I needed to take that next step, to have faith, and go public. It
wasn’t the first time I felt this, but I knew I needed to do it now.
So, the Sunday before Thanksgiving I was baptized. I also
felt God telling me I needed to tithe. To stop ignoring it and stop tithing
when I felt it was convenient for me. I needed to start putting him first in
every way in our lives. I had surrendered every other way in my life but
tithing. I was scared and worried we wouldn’t make it if I tied. Within one
month of us tithing Jayson was given overtime. Jayson’s pay is based on salary.
So, most people don’t get overtime when they reach eighty hours. But his work
allowed this. Looking back now it was same
exact amount I was making when I worked, after I paid daycare for Jacob. That
is the only place in the bible the Lord says we can test him.
10 Bring the whole tithe into
the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says
the Lord Almighty, “and
see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so
much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it. Malachi 3:10
(NIV)
Time and time again the Lord continues to provide for our
family. Since we started tithing, Jayson has received two raises. My school has
been paid for and we found a home to rent after the current one has been sold.
In December I picked Jacob up from Kidspring and I met
someone that Jacob had taken to. He had a buddy, named Brad. Jacob is a very
loving child and will go to anyone. But He took to Brad and Brad became close
to Jacob. I still was searching for a small group. He said that he would get
his wife to call me and they would find a group for us. Over the next few weeks
I feel back into a routine of just attending Church on Sunday. Nothing changed;
I didn’t allow anything to change. I was stuck again.
Then one Sunday in February, I bumped into Brad’s wife, Aimee
and their two little boys. I introduced myself and Jacob. Then after the
service I had sat down with her to talk. She told me how much a difference
Jacob made in Brad’s life. That Jacob had such a special heart. I was blown
away with that; that my little boy could make such a difference in someone’s
life. I was in awe of how God uses children to heal people. So Aimee took down
my number and invited us their small group.
Jayson still hadn’t attended church with me more than a few
times, partially because of work and I’m still not sure the reason why for the
other times. So, I took him to their small group one night in March but told
him it was a dinner at the Knights house. Wasn’t completely honest with him, oops!
Sorry Jayson. From that moment on we had a small group. I have never felt more
welcome by a group of Christians and loved by them.
That next month brought more change into my life. I had been
battling depression for many months and was in denial about it. I broke down. I
was damaged. I was hurt and I didn’t know how to fix it. No one really knew
about everything I was battling. Not until I broke down with Jayson did he
know. But two incredible women at church made me feel that being damaged is
okay. They taught me that we cannot do things alone and in Christ there is no
Condemnation. They prayed with me and for the first time ever I felt like I
could overcome this. I left everything at the cross.
Jayson started attending church with me more and more. By the
end of April we were owners and Jayson was baptized. We have a church to call home finally!!
For 7 years I had been praying that Jayson would come to
Christ and all along he had given his heart to Christ in boot camp. He just
never continued with finding a church and pursuing him afterwards. Something I
didn’t know until we joined Newspring. After that Jayson was baptized in April
and we both became active in the church. I continue to see God change Jayson
and I.
One of the core values of Newspring is that Growing people
change. For someone that doesn’t like Change. I welcome this change. Because I
know there is a greater plan for my life. God has plans for Jayson and I. I don’t
know what they are. But even though I don’t always like the change that has happened
in the past year, I know it was necessary. Because Jayson and I wouldn’t be
where we are today without that change. I know that through all the health
problems Jayson and I both struggle with, our marriage, our lives. God is
there, everything has to go through his hands.
I am overwhelmed by the amount of Joy I have in my life now. I
know that there will be hard days. I still struggle with my depression. But I
pick up my cross daily. Because I know Jesus is with me. Nothing will take me
down when he is beside me. And the days when my burdens are too much, he will
carry them for me.
