Monday, May 21, 2012

Marine Wives





Recently someone asked me if I could give any advice on what I learned as a Marine wife. I felt honored but it took me a while to figure out the best advice I could give. Above all, communication, talk to each, talk and talk some more! You make the best out of little time. No matter what you have to be your husband’s number one supporter, sometimes you have to have an enormous amount of patience’s, and sometimes it just sucks!



Sometime last year I was doing something as simple as cutting the grass and someone approached me  with the comment of “you do it all, don’t you?” I replied “yes ma’am; I can do just about anything.” In that moment I realized how strong and adaptable you have to be, to be a military wife. You live and you learn how to adapt on your own.  This came from years of trial and error during our time in the Marines.  

Jayson was only in the Marines for eight years, I don’t have as much experience as some. Which, I have so much respect for the career wives and their husbands.  
I have seen dear friends go through deployments every other year, the very long hours of a drill instructors life, their husbands coming back a different man and the ones that never got to say goodbye.  You live your life with the uncertainty that everything and anything can change at any moment.

At the same time most wives will tell you they wouldn’t have it any other way. We met some amazing friends through our eight years.  Some of the best times were with our military friends, which some we call family now.  I have an adopted big sister and a beautiful god daughter thanks to the Marine Corps. I was blessed to meet some of the strongest women I have ever met, that I can call my friends.

I have been told more than once by other women that they could never be a military wife. If you would have told me ten years ago that I would be where I am, I would have called you a liar.  It’s amazing where you find strength, as a military wife.  So here is my story.

August 17, 2005 we got a phone call at 11:30pm for Jayson to be ready to leave the next day. I knew what that phone call was about before Jayson ever hung up. It was two weeks ahead of schedule, and two weeks before our first wedding anniversary. I remember that day like it was yesterday.  Nothing went right that day, I remember Jay leaving for work at 6:00 am only to return at 7:30 to grab his gear. That would be the last day he’d stand in our home for eight months.  Trying to run around and get all his gear, at one moment he had me standing in his c-bag in the middle of our living room so he could get more gear in it. We both just laughed, and cried. He left, and I ran around trying to get things he needed.  Time went by so fast that day and before I knew it I got to call to come to base at four o’clock to say our goodbyes. I went and got him subway and I remember picking him up and driving to other side of base. We didn’t even know what to say to each other. I just held his hand and I was fortunate to get a hug and kiss. I watched him get out of the car and walk to the hanger; he was gone just like that.  

The next day really tested what I was made of, my car broke down, my cell phone quit and the ATM took my card. Luckily, there was a salon nearby to let me call someone that knew Jayson to come look at my car.  I got in touch with people on base to bring me Jayson’s cell phone and power of attorney. Everything that could have went wrong the first week he was gone, went wrong. But I had school starting next week and a job I had to maintain. So I pulled myself together and went with it.

In those eight months I became a very independent person. I also met some incredible women that I love dearly. They were my rocks when I thought I couldn’t do it. Looking back now it just prepared me for an even tougher battle. When Jayson got back…


Now I know every military couple struggle when their spouse returns from a deployment and every family has an adjustment period. I know that it never gets easy telling them goodbye with each deployment and each time they return.

 We were very fortuned to only experience one. I am very thankful and blessed that Jayson came back in one piece, at least physically. I had him home with me, and that is something I have never taken for granted. But I did take for granted him being my husband.  We both were different people, we had changed. The couple we were, we all of a sudden weren’t, and we had to start over.  Almost like meeting each other for the first time.

For the next 4 years it was a battle, between the Marine Corps, his health problems and finding us again. Through all the tears and struggles we came out on top and in 2010 I gave birth to our little boy. Every struggle was just a stepping stone for something better. We both became stronger people because of all of the ups and downs we went through with the military. It has almost been a year since he got out of the Marines. So now looking back at those eight years, I see the good more than I see the struggles.  I remember the men and women they changed our lives forever. They will always be our Military family no matter how far they live from us now.

“When you pass through waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.  Isaiah 43:2”



Saturday, May 5, 2012

Gratitude


Lately I've been thinking a lot about Gratitude, and how much I am thankful for everything in our lives lately. How determined I am not to let bitterness take root in my heart and steal my joy. Even though the past year has been one of the hardest years of our lives. I still praise God through it all, because Jayson & I have become closer to God & each other. At the end of the day that's all that really matters. I had a great friend (thank you) point that out to me. That even though I feel like nothing is going right in our lives but that. Well, in the end that is the only thing that matters. 

I know that there will always be sadness in the world and bad things will happen to good people. So I don't really read much of the news, but this one article really struck me as such a powerful message. It was an article about a little girl with SMA (Spinal Muscular Atrophy).They made a bucket list for this little girl. Even despite everything these people still saw the good in life. Instead of dealing with her disease in hopeless way, they turned it around into something positive. That made me think, what if we all did that. Instead of letting the hopeless situations pull us down and tear us apart. Turn it around and see the good in it, even though it's an unchangeable situation, that doesn't matter to an unchangeable God. He will always win. Don't get me wrong I struggle everyday with this. But one thing I have learned in the past year more than ever. When a door closes a window will open.  


When Jayson got out of the Marines last summer, I was devastated when we had to move. The life that we had built in the 4 and 1/2 years we had been there was going to be gone in a month. I had to quit my job, leave our home, leave our friends and leave our god-daughter and her family. Everything that I held dear was going to change. All my dreams crashed and burned. I was angry with God. Don't get me wrong, I was still grateful that I had a loving husband and a very happy, healthy little boy. But I am still trying to let those ashes go and give them to God. Because I know that He is going to do something beautiful with them.  

Isaiah 61:3 "To bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy, instead of mourning and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair."

It has taken me almost a year to see the good in moving... But I am starting to see the light at the end of this tunnel and finding peace through all this pain. 



I have been blessed to be home with Jacob on a daily basis. I have been blessed to see our amazing little boy grow and change every day. I still have been able to get to see my beautiful god-daughter and her family once a month. We now have a church to call home and we have met some incredible people. Jayson has a good job. We have a roof over our head and two cars. I have a lot to be thankful for. So I will continue to praise God through this valley, because I know this is only a season in our life. There is more to come. 

Thank you for taking the time to read this post. Sorry it was a long one. 
Always,
Ash